Ask The Sexpert: Just How Can Lesbians Have Safer Sex? | GO Magazine

Recently, i have been seeing countless different health sources and society leaders mention exactly how lesbians don’t need condoms after all within gender techniques. And also this concept frankly perplexes myself! Every time we read it somewhere, I stop and believe

huh? In which did these individuals manage to get thier less dangerous intercourse info from?

This can be a part of a larger social issue in this lesbian, queer and additional reading about looking for bi women can be often left out inside conversation about intimate health insurance and STIs. It is as though people think that

STIs

just come from penises and this lesbian, queer and bisexual females do not ever

have

penises.

Information flash:
STIs is handed down in several ways
. Through skin to skin contact. From rectal intercourse. From dental sex. From discussing adult sex toys. Pretty much whichever gender that you’re having, it is most likely that STIs can possibly end up being offered, from person-to-person. It is additionally vital to understand that lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies occasionally have penises. Or occasionally we make use of dildos during sex. And also for both a dildo and a penis, condoms can be utilized as a barrier way to lower the likelihood of STIs getting passed away.

In de-stigmatizing STIs, it is advisable to remember that it isn’t really the end of society in the event that you sample good for an STI. Your lifetime along with your sex life are not more than. If we have the ability to get access to this type of much safer intercourse information, then we are able to all grow and find out together—and have more enjoyable gender!

We’ve currently spoken of
different shield methods
that lesbian, queer and bisexual females are able to use whenever having sexual intercourse together. And indeed, condoms are included when it comes to those possibilities. You should use condoms as a barrier whenever having a penis in pussy or whenever having
anal sex
, when you’re utilizing a sextoy or dildo, and you may in addition reduce a condom along the heart (with scissors) if you need a dental care dam for analingus or dental gender. Whenever we inform ladies who sleep with other females that they you should not

require

condoms to apply much safer intercourse, we have been perpetuating this misconception which our sex is actually intrinsically safe from any STIs being provided.

A lot of of my personal lesbian, queer and bisexual buddies sometimes chuckle about how they don’t practice less dangerous intercourse. We notice queer women make laughs about dental dams as well as how they not have when made use of all of them. All of this makes me wonder who inside our society perform actually practice less dangerous gender? Incase we’ren’t utilizing barrier practices, tend to be we next having in-depth talks about all of our sexual health before we f*ck? Tend to be we continuously prioritizing obtaining tested between the partners? And not soleley a pap smear (
because that does not cover it-all
), but like getting the full work-up?

I don’t state some of this are judgmental, anyway. I’ve also been that woman to have a good laugh about dental dams. I’ve in addition got one night appears where i did not prioritize me personally or my lover’s intimate health. But i’d like us doing much better. Needs united states to be able to have real, nuanced talks about all of our sexual wellness. Because it matters, girls. And that I want to get past laughing about dental dams and shrugging down condoms as an option.

Frequently in this dialogue, I get asked

really, let’s say I want to use a dental dam but she does not think that’s hot?

This anxiety is so prevalent that I believe like so many lesbian, queer and bisexual women are even afraid to ask their own associates to apply less dangerous sex. But let me make it clear a queer lady key, getting oral gender through a dental dam is hot and feels remarkable. In fact, the individual it truly changes situations for will be the individual providing the oral. It really is somewhat different of a personal experience, but one that you will get utilized to! Its beautiful for person obtaining because 1. you are both prioritizing both’s sexual wellness, and that is hot AF and 2. in my sincere opinion, it nonetheless seems pleasant as f*ck.

I additionally learn how challenging it could be to create up the talk of STIs just before have sexual intercourse, particularly if you’ve never ever had intercourse with this particular individual before. A very important factor i have learned during my years of messily navigating gender and relationships is that when I consult with some body in regards to the form of intercourse we both wish to have and regarding what style of obstacles we should use—You will find wayyyy better intercourse. Like I’m not saying this because I’m a sex nerd. I am suggesting my personal honest queer woman fact. Sex is most effective when you talk about need as well as your bodies initially.

Why don’t we break it straight down.

Both you and this prospective hookup have no idea each other’s bodies however. Each and every individual features their own needs and ticks and tactics, that switch all of them the f*ck on. Even though you can play a guessing game if you are having sexual intercourse to find out just what ~feels good~ with this new person, you could potentially rather, explore it beforehand. Actually it enjoyable to be able to f*ck someone how they wish to be f*cked? Then you definitely already know the go-to spot on their behalf, for which you should develop to and how to cause them to be putty within hand.

Regarding discussing exactly what obstacles and/or toys you want to make use of while you’re having sex—a significant men and women think its awesome perhaps not sexy and requires all the fun from it. But envision if you’re having sex nevertheless whole time you are nervous as you actually planned to utilize a dental dam but failed to understand how to inform their that and now you are unable to have an orgasm since you’re very in your mind about maybe not talking upwards to your requirements? Which is no fun for anybody, trust me. When you are getting that conversation straightened out before you start sex, then you know to choose the condom when you use your strap-on or whether she actually is cool with fluid connection or not. These are generally important elements of intercourse and we also must not disregard them.

We have research for several of you reading this article immediately. Next time you’re having a unique hookup with some body, attempt to integrate a number of these talks just before smack the bedsheets and find out what the email address details are. We guess you that you will have some mind-blowing consensual much safer intercourse!

Got any intercourse concerns? Feel free to reach: Corinne@gomag.com!